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- CATEGORY Dating Skills, online dating
How to Message Women Online
Jared Laurence
Introduction
Let’s be honest:
Most guys message women online like they’re ordering food at 3 am. Lazy, desperate, no seasoning.
Let’s start with the brutal truth of why most guys fail in messaging women online:
Most guys never get responses and get ghosted because:
- They lead with neediness, not value
- Their messages feel generic, lazy, or agenda-driven
- They expect attraction to build through text alone
The difference between a guy who gets ghosted and a guy who gets the date?
Emotional intelligence and Playful self-awareness
STEP 1: CHOOSE THE RIGHT APP
Every conversation starts somewhere. Where it starts matters.
Platform | Entry Style |
Dating apps | Openers based on prompts, pics, or shared interests |
Replying to stories, playful comments | |
DMs (cold) | Humor, curiosity, cold reads, or niche callbacks |
Mutual friends/social circles | Light callback to how you met, self-aware intro |
Examples:
- “Okay, I have to know—what’s the story behind that hat in photo 3? You look like an off-duty spy.”
- “Your travel pics scream ‘I have stories.’ Which trip changed you the most?”
- “This is a risky DM, but you seem like you can handle it.”
The first message is going to make or break your conversation.
If you say, “Hey,” “Hi,” or “How was your weekend?”
Congratulations. You’ve joined the graveyard of forgettable dudes she’ll never reply to. Every women online is buried in messages. Your job is to stand out and be different.
STEP 2: BUILD CONNECTION WITHOUT INTERVIEWING HER
The easiest way to lose her interest is by asking questions like it’s a job interview:
“What do you do?”
“Where are you from?”
“What are your hobbies?”
“What do you do for work?”
“What kind of music do you like?”
“Do you like hiking?”
These go nowhere unless they’re loaded with emotional or narrative hooks.
Instead, Use These:
1. Playful Cold Reads
“You definitely give off ‘class president turned rebel artist’ vibes. Am I close?”
“You look like you drink tequila and make bad decisions. I respect it.”
2. Mini Roleplays
“Okay, hypothetical: we’re both stranded at an airport. Who panics first, you or me?”
“If we were trapped in a mall together, what store would you loot first?”
“You’re throwing a party. Only 3 celebrities allowed. Who’s showing up?”
3. Flirt-Tease Combos
“You seem like trouble. I’m intrigued and mildly concerned.”
“You 100% lied about your height. I can feel it.”
“You look like the type that steals fries when she said she wasn’t hungry.”
4. Self-Amused Truths
“I never know how to start these chats without sounding like a bot. So here I am, being charmingly awkward.”
“Your dog is cooler than 80% of people on this app. Including me.”
STEP 3: SPARK FEELINGS, NOT JUST WORDS
You’re not there to pass info. You’re there to trigger emotion: curiosity, laughter, attraction, connection.
Ask yourself: How does this message make her feel?
Here’s what triggers responses:
- Humor
- Curiosity
- Emotional contrast
- Unexpected playfulness
Most guys talk like they’re auditioning for “The Bachelor.” Relax. Nobody likes a try-hard. Be light. Be human.
This playful energy is a return to that childlike freedom, like you’re both kids on the playground again.
- Keep it light.
- Be okay with looking a little silly.
- Let her see that you’re not taking yourself too seriously.
If she plays back, is teasing you, she’s investing.
Now flirt and make it sexual.
STEP 4: FLIRTING + ESCALATING TO MEETUP
Once you’ve built rapport, escalate. You’re not trying to be her pen pal.
Your mission is to get off the app and onto real life. Most guys will end up doing the entire date on text.
No, save your life stories for the date. Meet her in real life and actually have fun with her.
Examples:
- “You’re probably the kind of person who breaks hearts and wins bake-offs.”
- “You’re trouble. Let’s see if you’re as fun offline as you are in my DMs.”
- “Okay, you’ve passed the vibe check. Let’s make bad decisions over tacos.”
- “Alright, real talk—you’re way too fun to stay in DMs. Coffee or cocktails?”
- “I have a theory we’d vibe even better in person. Let’s test it out.”
- “I’ll bring the sarcasm, you bring the chaos. Wednesday works?”
At the end of the day, messaging girls online isn’t about being perfect. It’s not about having clever lines memorized or timing your replies like a chess match. It’s about creating a fun time for the both of you.
You don’t need to be someone else. You need to be the best version of you.
So whether you’re sliding into DMs, replying on a dating app, or messaging someone you met through friends… the formula stays the same:
Spark emotions. Create a fun vibe. Flirt and meet up in person.
FAQs
What if she doesn’t respond to my first message?
That’s normal. Most don’t. Don’t take it personally. Send a second message 24 hours later. After that, move on. She’s not the one.
Should I compliment her right away?
If you want to be ghosted then sure go right aheads.. You should not start with compliments especially ones about her looks and body. You can compliment her fashion sense, conversation skills, vibe and energy if you want to.
But saying “you’re beautiful” like the last 300 dudes is a big no no.
How soon should I ask her out?
As soon as she’s playful, laughing, or engaged. Don’t waste weeks talking to her without asking her on a date.
Can I message multiple girls at once?
Yes. This isn’t a Disney love story. You’re not married. You’re running a volume-based business until one closes the deal. Dating is like sales. You are looking for high quality clients.
What if she flakes after agreeing to meet?
Happens. Don’t take it personally. Give her one chance if you really felt that the vibe was good and try to reschedule. Otherwise ghost her and move on. There are 4 billion women on the planet.
Conclusion
about the author
jared lawrence
Founder And CEO Of Modern Success
Table of Contents
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