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Who pays in the Relationship?
Jared Laurence
Introduction
There was a guy I know called Matt. Normal guy who was a student at the time. He decided to go to a concert with his girlfriend. A fancy date plan he had made hoping he will have an amazing date. When he was waiting in line to get the tickets he got in an awkward conversation with the girl about who is paying for what.
He wanted her to pay for her own share. As you can imagine she was pissed. She expected him to pay as he had paid on prior less expensive dates.
He didn’t have enough money to pay for both their tickets and he was a student so each of them ended up paying their own tickets. During the entire concert, Matt got a cold shoulder after which they spent an hour arguing. And as far as I know. That was the last he saw of her.
Now here is another friend called Dan. Dan was in a relationship with a single mother, she had one child. He and his girlfriend with her kid along with her female friend and her two kids decided to go to Disneyland as a group.
All six of them were waiting in line for the tickets. The ticket lady called them up to the counter. He pays for his ticket and waltzes in, leaving his girlfriend to cough up the cash for herself, her kid, her friend, and her friend’s kids. Naturally, she was livid. She was looking at him as if she wanted to kill him.
For the rest of the day, she gives him the silent treatment. Finally, when they get a moment alone, she blows up at him, calling him selfish and inconsiderate. Tom, using his stellar guy logic, explains that he never agreed to pay for everyone especially her friend and her kids, and couldn’t see why he should. Chaos ensues, as you might expect.
The Root of the Problem
Both Dan and Matt cocked it up, and the drama they faced was entirely their fault. Not because they didn’t pay, that’s fine but because they didn’t clarify in advance who would be paying for what.
Listen up, the key to avoiding this mess is clear communication well before you even think about leaving the house. Not paying too much money to women is smart. You can bet your behind that if the roles were reversed most women wouldn’t buy us regular drinks and dinners as well and they know it.
First, let’s roast Matt. Matt is too much of a wimp to tell his lady upfront that he can’t or won’t pay for her. He’s scared she’ll get pissed off, dumps him, or some other issue. So, he avoids the issue until the last second, causing all kinds of drama.
Suppose he had just said “Cool. How much are the tickets? $100 each? Alright, I’ll pay for mine, you pay for yours.” in the beginning when they were making the concert plans it would not have been a problem. Instead, he chickens out and leaves it until they’re at the ticket counter.
Now it’s Dan’s turn. He uses guy logic, assuming his girlfriend won’t expect him to pay for everyone because that would be insane according to him. He doesn’t realize that women don’t use guy logic; they use woman logic. She assumes he’s going to pay for everyone because he agreed to go with them.
Guy logic is great for business and achieving goals, but it’s useless for predicting female behavior. Women think differently. You need to anticipate their woman’s logic and plan accordingly. When planning a date or event, spell out exactly what you will and won’t pay for. Don’t leave it to chance.
How to Avoid Drama
Here’s the bottom line, lads: Always communicate clearly with women about who’s paying for what. Do it well in advance. If she throws a fit, better she does it in private than in public. If she keeps whining, she gets the boot, and you find someone else. Simple as that.
Here’s a quick guide for you slow learners:
- If you’re paying for her: Tell her upfront. If you care about her, paying occasionally is fine, but it should never be expected.
- If you’re going Dutch: Make it clear. If she doesn’t like it, she can either deal with it, suggest something cheaper, or say no to the date.
- If you’re not paying at all: Lay it out plainly. “I’m not going there unless you want to cover the whole thing.” It’s her call then.
As a man, it’s your job to clarify what you will pay for and what you won’t. I never tell women what to do; I tell them what I’m going to do and let them decide. They always know where they stand with me, especially regarding finances.
You should not be expected to pay for everything as a guy. Don’t let societal programming brain wash you. You are not a atm. You can choose to pay for a date if you want to. But it should not be the default.
Why men don't do this
Now most guys will say well what if she doesn’t like it and complains about it. She will loose attraction for me etc etc.
Well, that’s the worst-case scenario. Most women don’t do that.
If she does do drama for you soft next to her. You are not an atm machine. Just as she is not expected to sleep with you after you pay for a date. You are also not expected to pay for her when you take her out on dates. This is especially true if you haven’t been dating for a long time.
Stop attracting gold diggers. Because you are being nice and paying for everything you get taken for granted and end up in toxic relationships.
But men are too needy and desperate to do this. Matt for example is scared that he will be dumped or she won’t come on a date with him if he tells it point blank. So he delays it until the last moment and it blows up in his face. Typical male behaviour that is guaranteed to get you in trouble.
On the other hand, Dan uses his guy logic, and Dan “knows” that his girlfriend wouldn’t be crazy enough to expect him to pay $600 for all six people to go to Disneyland. That would be insane. My girlfriend isn’t insane, therefore she’s not expecting that.
Little does he know that his girlfriend is thinking with women’s logic which is the exact opposite. While he’s thinking that he won’t have to pay, she’s thinking that since he smiled and agreed to the Disney idea of going out with her and her friends, that automatically means he’s just agreed to pay for everyone’s Disney tickets, food, gas, gifts for the kids, and any other expense that may arise during the trip on (of which there will be many) because he’s a “gentleman” and because He Really Loves Me™.
Women run on different emotional logic then men. There is a saying “change her mood not her mind” It is actually true. Women see the world differently from us men. So the only thing you can do is be clear about
Why you should be clear
Boy, the drama from both sides.
That is why whenever I make it clear what I’m going to do beforehand. If I’m going to pay for a girl I will tell her. I do it for long-term girlfriends. I have no problem paying for a woman as long as I deeply care for her and we have been dating for a long time. I do have a problem though if she thinks it’s demanded of me or automatically expected of me cause I was born as a guy
I don’t get as much drama in dating because I make these things clear and I always assume women are going to use women’s logic at all times. So when she does something crazy to our guy’s logic I’m not surprised.
So the next time a new girl I meet talks about the cool new place she wants to go to. I say yes. And if she starts talking about how and when the both of you should go you subtly in a nice way follow up telling her exactly what you will pay for and what you won’t. Now she can choose what she wants to do. And she can plan her trip accordingly.
And yes few girls might be offended and you might lose your chance with a few girls who were after your money. But I think that is a fair price to pay for a lifetime of long term happy life.
My happiness and peace are safe. You should do the same. If you want more relationship advice that keeps you happy and safe from drama, simply book a call using the button below.
Conclusion

about the author
jared lawrence
Founder And CEO Of Modern Success
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