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- CATEGORY dating mindset, Dating Skills
Who pays in the Relationship?
Jared Laurence
Introduction
There was a guy I know called Matt. Normal guy who was a art student at the time. He decided to go to a dinner date with his girlfriend. A fancy date plan he had made hoping he will have an amazing date. When he was at the fancy restaurant.
He wanted her to pay for her own share. As you can imagine she was pissed. She expected him to pay as he had paid on prior less expensive dates.
During the entire dinner, Matt got a cold shoulder after which they spent an hour arguing. And as far as I know. That was the last he saw of her.
Now here is another friend called Sam. Sam was in a relationship with a single mother of two. He and his girlfriend with her kid went to a park.
All four of them were waiting in line for the tickets. The ticket lady called them up to the counter. He pays for his ticket and waltzes in, leaving his girlfriend to cough up the cash for herself, her kids. Naturally, she was livid. She was looking at him as if she wanted to kill him.
For the rest of the day, she gives him the silent treatment. Finally, when they get a moment alone, she blows up at him, calling him selfish and inconsiderate. Sam, using his stellar guy logic, explains that he never agreed to pay for everyone. Chaos ensues, as you might expect.
The Root of the Problem
Both Sam and Matt cocked it up, and the drama they faced was entirely their fault. Not because they didn’t pay, that’s fine but because they didn’t clarify in advance who would be paying for what.
Listen up, the key to avoiding this mess is clear communication well before you even think about leaving the house. Not paying too much money to women is smart. You can bet your behind that if the roles were reversed most women wouldn’t buy us regular drinks and dinners as well and they know it.
First, let’s roast Matt. Matt is too much of a wimp to tell his lady upfront that he can’t or won’t pay for her. He’s scared she’ll get pissed off, dumps him, or some other issue. So, he avoids the issue until the last second, causing all kinds of drama.
Suppose he had just said “Cool. Alright, I’ll pay for mine, you pay for yours.” in the beginning when they were making the dinner plans it would not have been a problem. Instead, he chickens out and leaves it until they’re at the ticket counter.
Now it’s Sam’s turn. He uses guy logic, assuming his girlfriend won’t expect him to pay for everyone because that would be insane according to him. He doesn’t realize that women don’t use guy logic; they use woman logic. She assumes he’s going to pay for everyone because he agreed to go with them.
Guy logic is great for business and achieving goals, but it’s useless for predicting female behavior. Women think differently. You need to anticipate their woman’s logic and plan accordingly. When planning a date or event, spell out exactly what you will and won’t pay for. Don’t leave it to chance.
How to Avoid Drama
Here’s the bottom line : Always communicate clearly with women about who’s paying for what. Do it well in advance. If she throws a fit, better she does it in private than in public. If she keeps whining, you ghost her and find someone else. Simple as that.
Here’s a quick guide for you slow learners:
- If you’re paying for her: Tell her upfront. If you care about her, paying occasionally is fine, but it should never be expected.
- If you’re going Dutch: Make it clear. If she doesn’t like it, she can either deal with it, suggest something cheaper, or say no to the date.
- If you’re not paying at all: Lay it out plainly. “I’m not going there unless you want to cover the whole thing.” It’s her call then.
Why men don't do this
Now most guys will say well what if she doesn’t like it and complains about it. She will loose attraction for me etc etc.
Well, that’s the worst-case scenario. Most women don’t do that.
But men are too needy and desperate to do this.
Women run on different emotional logic then men. There is a saying “change her mood not her mind” It is actually true. Women see the world differently from us men. So the only thing you can do is be clear about
Why you should be clear
I have no problem paying for a woman as long as I deeply care for her and we have been dating for a long time. I do have a problem though if she thinks it’s demanded of me or automatically expected of me cause I was born as a guy
I don’t get as much drama in dating because I make these things clear and I always assume women are going to use women’s logic at all times. So when she does something crazy to our guy’s logic I’m not surprised.
So the next time a new girl I meet talks about the cool new place she wants to go to. I say yes. And if she starts talking about how and when the both of you should go you subtly in a nice way follow up telling her exactly what you will pay for and what you won’t. Now she can choose what she wants to do. And she can plan her trip accordingly.
And yes few girls might be offended and you might lose your chance with a few girls who were after your money. But I think that is a fair price to pay for a lifetime of long term happy life.
My happiness and peace are safe. You should do the same. If you want more relationship advice that keeps you happy and safe from drama, simply book a call using the button below.
Conclusion
about the author
jared lawrence
Founder And CEO Of Modern Success
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