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How To Approach an Unknown Girl
Jared Laurence
Introduction
There’s something really thrilling about seeing some really hot girl across the room who immediately captures your attention and makes you wanna go and say hi.
But let’s be honest— Most men don’t know how to approach women. Approaching an unknown girl can feel terrifying if you don’t have experience and don’t know what to say. The fear of rejection, the awkwardness of starting a conversation, and the pressure to make a good first impression often stops guys right in their tracks.
As a dating coach for men here’s the one thing I have learned after helping 10000s of clients get good with women. Approaching someone you don’t know also known as “cold approach” isn’t about having the perfect pickup line or looking like Tom cruise or Brad Pitt. It’s about being the best version of you, confident, charming and someone who brings a positive vibe to people. Women appreciate effort when it’s genuine and as long as it comes from the right place.
So, if you’ve ever hesitated or second-guessed yourself when approaching a girl you don’t know, this guide is for you. Let’s break down how to approach an unknown girl in a way that’s natural, effortless, and, most importantly fun and successful.
The First Task: Making the Approach
When approaching a girl when you don’t know her, its very important that you approach her form the right angle—literally. Never approach someone from behind; it’s scary and puts her on edge immediately. Women are biologically wired to be more sensitive to this so do not surprise her. Instead, walk toward her from the front or a slight angle where she can see you coming. It should feel natural.
You are not trying to ambush her. Use common sense. Make eye contact as you approach and give a genuine smile. This signals that you’re confident and friendly, not someone to be wary of. When you’re close enough, start with a simple polite “Hey” or “Excuse me” and then start with your opening line / conversation opener.
Make sure to look your best when you go out. Take some lessons about fashion and grooming. See what works for you and makes you look good.
Choosing Your Opener: What to Say
The first thing you say sets the tone for the interaction, so choose your opener wisely. There are three main types of openers, each serving a different purpose:
- Indirect Openers: These are low-pressure and don’t immediately reveal your romantic interest and thus are very easy to use. For example, you could ask for directions or her opinion on something nearby. “Hey, do you know if this place has good coffee?”
- Direct Openers: These show your interest right away, and they work best when delivered with confidence. Something like, “I just saw you and had to say—you have an amazing smile,”
- Amusement Openers: Designed to make her laugh, these are great for breaking the ice. A cheeky, “Okay, I need your help—what’s the best excuse for being late to a meeting?” or “I was planning to wear the same outfit today, how awkward would that have been (Smiles amusingly)”
Whichever opener you choose, deliver it naturally and with a relaxed tone. Be fun playful, and normal. Talk to her just like you would talk to any of your casual friends.
Focus on Comfort
A common mistake men make when approaching women who they don’t know is trying too hard to be charming or flirtatious right away from the beginning. If you are new to dating in general this will feel forced and make her put her guard up. Instead, focus on making her feel comfortable. Get to know her, be comfortable and then show interest.
Start with a friendly, conversational tone. Show genuine interest and ask good questions. Don’t ask boring interview questions please. You wanna get her interested in you and have a good time with you. Women would rather be sad than bored.
Be creative when it comes to talking to her. Learn storytelling, and the art of being charming as a man.
Handling Rejection
Not every approach will lead to success. This is especially true when you are new and that’s okay. Rejection isn’t personal—it’s situational. Maybe she’s having a bad day, or she’s simply not in the mood to talk. Whatever the reason, it’s not a reflection of your self worth.
If she politely declines or doesn’t seem interested, thank her for her time and move on. There’s no need to push the interaction further. Handling rejection with confidence shows leaves a positive impression, even if the approach didn’t go as planned.
Dating is at the end of the day a number’s game. So don’t get hung up on it. Get some practice and you will automatically get good with women.
It’s All About the Process
The goal of approaching an unknown girl should not be about landing a date every time—it’s about building confidence and honing your skills to connect with women and getting comfortable with talking to attractive women. Each interaction, successful or not, teaches you something valuable.
The more you practice, the easier it becomes. You’ll start to notice patterns, refine your approach, and gain a better sense of what works for you. And over time it will level up your social skills sky high.
You need to put in the time and effort to get good with women.
Final Thoughts:
The art of approaching an unknown girl isn’t about having the perfect line or opener—it’s about being genuine, confident, and charming. Women aren’t looking for perfection; they’re looking for someone who’s real, and fun to be around.
So, the next time you see someone who catches your eye, don’t overthink it. Just go ahead and approach her. Even if you get rejected its no big deal. Because at the end of the day, the biggest mistake you can make isn’t saying the wrong thing—it’s not saying anything at all. You miss every shot you don’t take.
If you are still struggling with approach anxiety and what to say to a girl. Let us help you in a more customized way. Click on the button below to book a 1-1 customized call with me and my team so we can help you transform your dating life.
Conclusion
about the author
jared lawrence
Founder And CEO Of Modern Success
Table of Contents
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