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10 Dating Mistakes Lawyers Make
Jared Laurence
Introduction
Did you know that lawyers have one of the highest divorce rates among professionals?
It’s not just because they work long hours. Their training to be analytical, argumentative, and always prepared for the worst mindset can actually sabotage their love lives.
Many lawyers struggle to connect with women and fall flat on the dating scene.
As a dating coach who’s worked with hundreds of legal professionals, I’ve seen brilliant minds turn into dating disasters faster than a case gets dismissed with prejudice. Let’s break down the dating mistakes that are keeping you from finding lasting love – and no, you can’t object to this evidence!
#1 Overvaluing Physical Attraction
Let’s talk about a classic trap many of you fall into – getting too hung up on the looks department. Sure, we are men and beauty does matter. But compatibility is also key. Not everyone is a fit for you and that’s the point. You need someone who is compatible with you and your life.
As a busy law professional not every women is a fit for you. You need someone who understands you and connect with you in a way that makes sense to you.
So make sure you just don’t fall for a pretty face.
#2 Defensive Attitude
After years of hostile depositions and aggressive opposing counsel, it’s no wonder you’re bringing that shield into your dating life. But your dating life is not a courtroom. You don’t have to win every discussion or argument.
That defensive I’m always right vibe you’re giving off? Total attraction killer to women my friend. I’ve seen too many lawyers sabotage great dates because they’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
You need to look for win-win situations. Share some great stories about you and your life. Be funny, and charming instead of a uptight defense attorney. Keep your lawyer persona at work. Don’t bring it to your dating life. She is with you not against you.
#3 Unpredictable Schedules and Lack of Flexibility
Alright lawyers, let’s address the elephant in the room – your crazy work schedule! Nothing kills dating momentum faster than having to cancel on dinner plans because a client emergency popped up or opposing counsel dropped a surprise motion on your desk.
I know its part of your life but time management is key in dating. Dating works when you give it time. And for attraction to happen you need to spend time together experiencing each other.
Block out dating times in your calendar – treat it like your court appearance. Your love life deserves the same priority as that high-stakes litigation. Career is important but so is your love life.
Try to manage your dating life the best you can.
#4 Struggle with Cheating and Relationships
I get it. As a lawyer you see the dark side of relationships and marriages way more than others. After seeing countless divorces and infidelity cases parade through your office, you’re probably more jaded than the common people. But here’s the truth: Your professional work is seriously skewing your dating lens. Not all relationships end up in breakups. Not all marriages end in divorce.
You’re seeing relationships at their absolute worst, day in and day out. That is why every relationship looks like a nail when you have a hammer in your hand.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t give relationships and women a chance. Yes bad things can happen. Always make sure you are financially protected with prenups if you decide to get married. But at the same time don’t shy away from dating.
#5 Analytical and Argumentative Nature
Let’s talk about that killer instinct that’s crushing your dating game! You’ve spent years perfecting those analytical skills and verbal jabs, but turning every dinner conversation into a mock trial isn’t exactly setting the mood for romance.
Tone it down your honor. I had a client last week – brilliant lawyer – who couldn’t figure out why his dates never made it past round one. One day I made him record his conversation and what he says.
Turns out, he was treating every coffee meetup like a deposition! He said:
“So, you enjoy hiking? Can you tell me the dates and locations of your last three hiking trips?”
See the problem here?
That my friend is a recipe for disaster. Ask questions because you’re genuinely interested in the other person. Be creative. Don’t make it a interview or a deposition.
Remember: This is a date not court. Chill and have fun.
#6 High Expectations and Perfectionism
After years of perfecting legal work and demanding excellence in every act, you’re treating potential partners like they need to meet Supreme Court nomination criteria. Im sorry but that’s just not reality.
Even she is just a human. Even she has flaws. Seriously, bro? Your date isn’t a legal document that needs three rounds of edits! Accept her for who she is and have fun connecting with her as a person. Start focusing on the qualities that actually matter.
No one is perfect and that’s okay. You are looking for someone who is compatible with you. Don’t focus on society standard of perfect.
#7 Lack of Emotional Expression
Another issue most lawyers face in dating is the lack of emotional expression. As a lawyer you cannot appear weak during trials so you tend to mask your emotions. And yes the poker face can win cases.
Just last week, I coached a top-notch lawyer from texas who couldn’t figure out why never worked out. Turns out, his last date described him as “dating a very well-dressed robot.” Ouch!
Learn to express your emotions is a positive way. Bottling up those emotions is a recipe for disaster.
#8 Mismanagement of Stress
Being a lawyer is stressful. Between client demands, court deadlines, and billing pressures, you’re feeling the tension that impacts your normal life.
I have seen lawyers who are so wound up from work stress that their date described the evening as “having dinner with a ticking time bomb.”
That tells you something. The solution is to manage the stress. Practice morning meditation, lunchtime yoga, or evening runs, find your stress release valve before it torpedoes your love life.
#9 Overreliance on Logic
That brilliant legal mind of yours might be sabotaging your love life! You’re approaching dating like it’s a series of logical problems, trying to deduce your way to romance like it’s a LSAT problem.
Sorry to break it to you. Women don’t work like that. Women are emotional creatures that crave good emotions. No amount of logic can make her feel good if your vibe is wrong. Think how you can change her mood and make her smile. Be funny. Tell her an amazing story. Be creative with dates and conversations.
Make the experience fun for both you and her so that it becomes an unforgettable experience for her.
#10 Unrealistic Expectations from Media and Society
The reality about those “Suits” fantasies you’re bringing to the dating game! Hollywood’s got you thinking every lawyer’s love life is filled with action and adventure and couples closing million-dollar deals between steamy office romances.
News flash, bros – real lawyer dating isn’t like that. Drop those TV lawyer expectations. Try to have fun on your own terms. Focus on finding someone who appreciates your actual life and hobbies. Be it tennis or going hiking. Have a fun relationship that makes you happy and where you don’t have to pretend to be something you are not.
Final Verdict on Your Dating Game
Remember, lawyers winning in love isn’t about presenting the perfect case or being the smartest guy in the room. Your legal training makes you exceptional at many things, but sometimes the best strategy is to let your heart lead instead of your head.
The court of love operates on rules that are different from your day job. By recognizing these common dating mistakes lawyers make, you can transform your dating life.
And if you feel you still need help with women and dating tailored to your specific needs simply book a free coaching call with a customized game plan for you using the button below:
Conclusion
about the author
jared lawrence
Founder And CEO Of Modern Success
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